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What I Meant to Say

by Danny Fishman

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1.
Flying Blind 03:12
Kim, can you save me From the monster underneath my bed I can't fall asleep, can't get out of my head Not tonight Kim, are you listenin' Can you hear me when I shout out loud I'm walking the streets with my head in the clouds Every day Well I don't know if you were listening Or if there's a fever in my mind I get the feeling now That I've been flying blind And I might be chasing what you left behind Well Well you left me Well you left me strung out on a line With seasons of hope parading through my mind All the time Tied Up and lonely Like a ship in the night I'm the only I'm sailing away and I wanted you with me for the ride Well I don't know if you were listening Or if there's a fever in my mind I get the feeling now That I've been flying blind And I might be chasing what you left behind Well I don't need no complications Or explanations Anymore For all my trials and tribulations You kept me waiting Like a sucker for too long So grab your bags and say so long Well I don't know if you were listening Or if there's a fever in my mind I get the feeling now That I've been flying blind And I might be chasing what you left behind
2.
High and dry A kite in the desert sky So long to hollow lullabies and half-baked dreams You'll run like the Nile to the open untamed sea And now I'm just as I used to be Twisted alone And you act like you didn’t know I left just enough to make it through the night Oh, but you, you took it and ran Now don't you look so grand, runnin' Through the reds of my traffic lights So you can take the back roads So long as you know I don't need to see your tracks to know you're leavin' The sun has set and the leaves fell with the season I don't need to see your ticket to know that it wasn't just one way So Honey won't you, Honey won't you stay Hurricane, swept in, blown away Now all my chalk thoughts are spinning in the drain Like a radar in the rain, now I'm overloaded and frayed, and baby I thought you heard me say it I said, August storm Just a ghost of the summer's warmth Take this White rose and turn it into dust I said, blind men could see That darlin' what you do to me It ain't right and there ain't no way that it's fair So you can take your sweet time Cause in the meantime I don't need to see your tracks to know you're leavin' The sun has set and the leaves fell with the season I don't need to see your ticket to know that it wasn't just one way So Honey won't you, Honey won't you... Stay Oh won't you... Stay High and dry A rain cloud in disguise You're a black cat on the last of all your nine lives, but Soon I'll be gone and just like you it won't take long Now the ashes of tomorrow sing your sad song So... Now wherever you go I hope that you know I don't need to see your tracks to know you're leavin' The sun has set and the leaves fell with the season I don't need to see your ticket to know that it wasn't just one way So honey won't you... I said Honey won’t you? I don't need to see your tracks to know you're leavin' The sun has set and the leaves fell with the season I don't need to see your ticket to know that it wasn't just one way So Honey won't you I said Honey won't you? Honey won't you, Honey won't you stay
3.
Train Song 03:24
Smoke stacks, signs, departure times I've got a suitcase full of clothes I'd best be heading on down the railroad line And it'd be best if you didn't know Well I tried to make you love me Now I'll try to let you go But when the train pulls through the station And that whistle starts to blow Well I can't help but remember That one story that you told ‘Bout how you rearranged the furniture When you were just a few years old And I know this time there's no good reason Left for me to stay But if these trains are meant for leavin’ Why am I standing at the gate? Maybe it's my fault for forgetting Who I was when I was mine I've come to realize this one thing You couldn't fix what I couldn't find So when they ask me where I'm goin’ And I tell them I don't know By the time that train is slowin’ down And the whistle starts to blow Well I can't help but remember That one snowy afternoon When we were talking 'bout the future And all the things we were gonna do And I know this time there's no good reason Left for me to stay But if these trains are second chances Why'd I watch mine roll away Well the sun has come and gone now That's how it goes, I understand When I reach into my pocket To hold your picture in my hand It's a quiet consolation A mistake that I don't mind Maybe you'll meet me at the station Or maybe somewhere down the line And I can't help but remember When you asked me for your song And I laughed but I didn't tell you That they were all yours all along And I know this time there's no good reason Left for me to stay But if these trains are starting over Why won’t mine just roll away Yeah if these trains are starting over Why won’t mine just roll away
4.
There's a shadow of a man that's been following me around He looks just like I used to and he sounds just like I sound He's staring through my windows and he's writing on my walls Walking in my footsteps and answering my calls He's subtle in the daytime but he's everywhere at night When I look around I see him, when I don't he's in plain sight So I opened all my windows and I unlocked all my doors Hoping like a fly inside he'd come again no more Damn this quiet room And the ghosts that haunt me too I won't lie but I can refuse That an honest man can't hide the truth, no Shadow of a man, I am you There's a shadow of a man who steals my light away And I want it back so badly, but I don't know what to say Cause I'm tangled like a spider spun in his own web I am the lone provider of these shadows in my head Now some red like the devil And others soft like rain Some run ‘round the riverbend And some are sweet like cane But the hues are always changing And my story's still unread The only thing that's certain Are these shadows in my head Damn this quiet room And the ghosts that haunt me too I won't lie but I can refuse That an honest man can't hide the truth, no Shadow of a man, I am you There's a shadow of a man Here sprawled across my floor Watching every move I make I just don't know what for And I hear those bells a-ringin' Yeah I hear them loud and clear But it's not those bells a-ringin’ It's these shadows that I fear Now the mornings here are quiet So I'll wait until the dawn And that man you knew so long ago Come sunrise will be gone And you'll know it when you see me 'Cause I'll be riding with the wind My shadow right beside me My unforsaken friend Damn this quiet room And the ghosts that haunt me too I won't lie but I can refuse That an honest man can't hide the truth, now Shadow of a man I am you
5.
For all my lonely nights In my darkest hour For the needless fights And strong whiskey sours For the times that I spoke But had nothing to say Now I know I'm gonna be okay For all the walks I took Alone at night For the lefts on my books That should've been rights For the postcards I kept To remember brighter days Now I know I'm gonna be okay And I waited for a morning That I thought would never come And I broke without a warning Like a dog on the run I was stuck inside a barrel Without a crack for the sun Hoping for hope That I'd find peace in someone For all the times I said I'm sorry But didn't know how to change For the pain and the worry That won't go away For the trouble I caused For the grief and dismay Now I know I'm gonna be okay Okay - I'm gonna run to the sun and start healing Okay - For all the love songs I wrote That lacked luster or meaning For the scribbled down notes About how I'm feeling For the nights that I felt Like slipping away Now I know I'm gonna be okay Now I know I'm gonna be okay

about

Sometimes things need to get worse before they can get better.

One cool November night in New York City I found myself sitting on the doorstep to my apartment building. My body weighed a thousand pounds, and not because I’d been eating six Reese's Peanut Butter Cups a day — I had, but this was a different kind of heavy. I’d just realized that my life was over.

I had returned home after a conversation with a close friend in which I’d finally acknowledged the hard truth that over the previous several years I had run away from everything I cared about, and now I was a year and a half into another job whose purpose I didn’t believe in. The way I saw it, if I went back to school for something I actually wanted to pursue I’d be 30 by the time I was starting another career. I was hoping to be a lot further along by that point in my life. I slumped down against the railing next to the doorstep and… well, I just sat there feeling like a wet sandbag with no future.

The next morning as I was biking to work something happened that hadn’t happened in a while: I started to cry. I pulled over to the side of the road where I gasped and heaved and wept and sobbed. I thought about the years I had spent trying to hide how much of a fuck-up I felt like from my friends and family so that they wouldn’t think that I was as much of a fuck-up as I did. It all came flooding out of me. The dam had finally broken, and it felt so good.

When it was done, I wiped the streaks of tears off of my cheeks and decided that even if I was behind schedule, it was time to change. So two weeks later, not knowing exactly what came next, I resigned and walked out to start a life that might mean something more to me.

credits

released June 29, 2018

Produced and Mixed by Katie Buchanan
Album art by Andrew Thompson

All songs written by Danny Fishman. Produced and Mixed by Katie Buchanan. Mastered by Giovonni Lobato. Album artwork by Andrew Thompson. ℗ & © 2018 Danny Fishman. All songs ASCAP. All rights reserved. Unauthorized duplication is a violation of applicable laws.

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Danny Fishman New York, New York

Singer-songwriter Danny Fishman mixes Americana, rock, and folk influences to craft music that is both distinctly his own and immediately familiar. His debut EP, What I Meant to Say, energetically narrates coming of age stories that reckon with heartbreak, identity, and the rediscovery of hope. ... more

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